Meet In The Lobby

Last month, the Journal of Family Psychology claimed the best relationships occur between beautiful women and butt-ugly guys. You’ve seen ‘em before, standing in line together at the movies, happily oblivious to their differences. Howard Stern — of course — is held up as the ultimate doofus dude in comparison to his statuesque fiancee Beth Ostrosky. So Allison and I had to come up with our favorite on-screen mismatches. Cold guys and the hot chicks that love them… Today on Meet In the Lobby.

Groundhog Day – Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell
Murray is hilarious and no one else nails the “sad, pathetic guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously” like him. But when did that become attractive? It started with getting Andie MacDowell in bed and somehow led to Scarlett Johanssen in Lost in Translation. Um, then Gwyneth Paltrow in The Royal Tenenbaums? (AS)

Manhattan — Woody Allen and Mariel Hemingway
Let’s start here: Allen was 43, Hemingway, 18. When she fawns over his scrawny, whiny, intellectual pain-in-the-ass wimp, it’s just cringe-inducing, regardless of how fantastic the film is. When she sends him walking at the end… well now that makes sense. (NS)

As Good as it Gets – Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt
I love Nicholson for all that loveable insanity. Perhaps I’m too young to get how the whole playboy thing still works for him, but this had nothing to do with me not buying him winning over Helen Hunt. Forget the obsessive-compulsive disorder and the throwing the dog down the laundry chute — that’s not the problem. It’s this: When Nicholson kisses Hunt at the end, I got that squeamish feeling. Partially because I think she did, too. (AS)

Private Parts — Howard Stern and Mary McCormack
We have to list the guy mentioned most often in this category. In his riotous biography, Stern is at his unbelievable geekiest, all long hair and longer nose. McCormack is a sunshiny and radiant, bringing calm beauty to Stern’s chaos. (Howard, we love you. Excellent casting.) (NS)

Kill Bill – David Carradine and Uma Thurman
The Kill Bill movies are fantastic and I know Carradine is admired and respected for Kung Fu. But Uma Thurman had a child with this guy? And can’t resist his charming and murderous ways? I don’t get it. Plus, when watching Carradine, I couldn’t help thinking of the scary dude from Poltergeist III. (AS)

Sideways — Paul Giamatti and Virginia Madsen
In Alexander Payne’s dark comedy, Giamatti hits the daily double: Unattractive and a lifeless personality! Did I mention his character steals money from his mother and rants uselessly in public? If Giamatti wore the nice wig from John Adams, would we then believe Madsen would be sweet on him? (NS)

Batman & Batman Returns — Michael Keaton and Kim Basinger/Michelle Pfieffer
Look, when Keaton’s in the bat suit there’s no reason to resist. But take off that mask and I get flashes of Beetlejuice. How does Basinger fall for that? And on that note, why is she no longer good enough come Batman Returns? Instead, we’re treated to Michelle Pfieffer falling for the guy, with and without the mask. The dark circles under the eyes, the lack of emotion in his face and voice… I’d have pegged him as a serial killer and moved on. (AS)

Some Like It Hot — Jack Lemmon and Joe E. Brown
Come on, the distinctive Lemmon and the rubbery faced Brown?! Sure, Lemmon’s in drag but, hey, nobody’s perfect! (NS)

What’s your favorite ugly guy / beautiful woman screen mismatch? TELL US

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April 16th, 2008
Categories: Comedies, Lists . Author: Norm Schrager

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