Piece by Piece: DAY WATCH

By Allison at October 16, 2008 | 6:27 pm | Print

OUR NEXT LIVE “PIECE BY PIECE”: The 1987 cult mini-classic, The Monster Squad! It’s the film that taught us “The End of the World Starts at Midnight,” co-written by Lethal Weapon scribe Shane Black. See you Thursday Oct. 30 at 6pm ET. Pop in the DVD and join Allison!

ORIGINAL POST
Ahh, we’re back this week for another live-blogging escapade. Last week was too easy, so this time we’re going Russian with Day Watch.

Nothing is more challenging than live-blogging a subtitled movie. Add to that the fact that we are watching part two in a series with no prior knowledge of the first one and well, we might as well just get out the vodka now. If you’ve seen Night Watch, feel free to fill us in on what we need to know.

Here is what I’ve gathered so far: There are people that are on the Light side and people on the Dark side. I’m guessing the vampires are on the dark side. The Day Watch group makes sure those Light people don’t get all out of hand and the Night Watch group keeps the Dark in check to avoid an unnecessary apocalypse. Hey, just call in Buffy Summers and everything’ll be peachy. Okay, wrong show.

0:00 Whoa, I didn’t know we start out in Iran. Now my Polish beer is even more out of place. Brought to you by O.K. Beer.

0:04 Something about mystical chalk…

0:08 Okay, we’re already confused. He’s hungry but doesn’t want to eat. I think they time/space traveled. Oh, but the heavy metal music started. Awesome!

0:09 What?! She just hit a forcefield or something This is like The Matrix crossed with Blade Runner. Someone from the peanut gallery wisely suggests she hit the 2nd level. She’s not supposed to go there because of the mosquitos. Seriously, this is all we have to work with.

0:12 We take a break for some wikipedia knowledge.  Okay, it’s important to know that flashlights can kill vampires and time and space mean nothing.  Also, the pizza arrived.

0:16 Hobo steaks! Ha! Billy Connolly once suggested we solve the homeless problem by eating them and thus we also solve the hunger problem.  Also important to know – vampires need blood licenses. Russia has turned into America.

0:20 A beer joke! Light ones shouldn’t drink dark beer ha ha. We toast with some O.K. beer. I’m serious. That’s the name of it.

0:23 The dude in the picture moved just like in Harry Potter!

0:25 What’s with this chalk? Try Staples, man. This message brought to you by Staples.

0:30 If this is a comment that women can’t drive, I’m upset and pleased at the same time because she really tore up that building. In addition, the peanut gallery notices the classic blonde woman = good and brunette = evil.

0:33 Now we have turned to hip hop and basketball. Russia is very diverse.

0:35 Quotes are from the peanut gallery: “It’s like…cause of death: she died.”

0:36 “This evil back-pack will go great with my evil soul!”

0:38 Now we’ve moved on to soccer. “It’s like it turns into a Mountain Dew commercial every now and then.”

0:42 We have come to the conclusion that you cannot watch Day Watch if you have not seen Night Watch. Oh nevermind, we get it. They’ve changed bodies. Awesome! Vice Versa!

0:53 Ridiculous lesbian fantasy set-up. I saw it coming a mile away.

0:59 “This looks like a car commercial combined with a Zales commercial.”

1:03 Another note taken from Harry Potter – bus comes out of nowhere!

1:11 We discover he can freeze people. Kind of like Edie from Out of This World.

1:13 I knew there’d be vodka! And why do they always say Boris Ivanovich’s full name?

1:18 Laundry always gives me the giggles, too.

1:21 Why did he go through all this trouble to get the magic chalk to bring his son back just to tell him he’s too busy to hang out with him?

1:25 He just jumped through the 9 rota sign which was the highest grossing film in Russia. That is until Day Watch came along. Very prescient.

1:27 We are taking a hint from Norm and perhaps the subtitles are a really poor translation for what is actually being said. That doesn’t explain all the other things that don’t make sense though.

1:36 If there is any power a person can have – whether you have thought of it or not – the main guy has it. He just changed the look of his face with snow.

1:41 If we thought this film was done by Stanley Kubrick or David Lynch, I think we’d totally be like “Oh yeah, I get it.”

1:45 It is no fun having drunk daddy sing at your birthday party.

1:54 The juicebox is a portal to her blood. And the truck can pop a wheelie at will.

In summary, you will see things you have never seen before in any movie which makes it worth it to watch this film. I’m not 100% sure that watching Night Watch would help you understand the sequel better. I suspect that it won’t. But you know what? It can be fun not understanding what the heck you’re watching especially when the visuals are so awesome. Or really frustrating.

They have a thing for eyes.

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